The "Super Glue" Friend

Cathy walked into the classroom hesitantly. It was her first day at the school and everything and everybody was new to her. She has always been fearful of new environment and new faces. She has never been a good communicator nor does she know how to be one. She sat cautiously beside a friendly-looking gal who readily introduced herself as Dolly. Cathy wasn't sure how she was supposed to react but felt at ease with her new found friend. In fact, Cathy felt so comfortable in the company of Dolly that she was afraid of losing her and would follow her wherever she went. And to impress Dolly, she would do whatever Dolly did, eat whatever she ate and would even imitate her every action. Initially, Dolly didn't mind being mirrored, she had actually felt good and liked the idea of being idolized but soon she became frustrated when Cathy began to stick to her like super glue. She didn't want to tell Cathy how she felt as she didn't want to hurt her feeling or lose her as a friend but on the other hand, she couldn't breathe freely with her around. She was in a dilemma and the sight of Cathy actually 'terrified' her. She would join her other friends in their activities to deliberately avoid her but somehow Cathy didn't seem to get the hint. She would hang around and wait patiently for Dolly to finish her tasks. Soon, Cathy realised that Dolly wasn't as forthcoming as she used to be and she didn't understand why Dolly was keeping her at arm's length. What have she done to deserve such cold treatment? Was she wrong in wanting to be by her side all the time?

That's a classic example of the more we fear losing something, the more likely we will lose that very thing. Everything that Cathy has done to be close to Dolly is actually driving Dolly further away from her. But why is that so? Well, imagine you have a 'live' bird in your hand. How would you hold it? Would you hold it tightly within your palm lest it should fly away or would you allow it to rest on your open palm so that it could breathe freely? The bird in your hand is like the friendship, or any other relationships, that you have with other people. If you are afraid of losing it and hold it too tightly, the bird will suffocate to death, just like when you glued yourself to those whom you like, you are depriving them of the breathing space that they need and eventually the relationship will suffer the same fate as the dead bird. However, if you open up your palm, the bird might or might not fly away and might or might not return, just like if you allow your friends to mingle with other people, they might decide to stay with them and desert you or they might find you a better friend and return to you. So which is a better option? To hold on tightly to it and watch it die or to let it go and wait for its return?

We all know that too much salt/sugar is damaging to our health but at the same time our body systems can't function properly without sufficient salt/sugar. The key word here is - moderation, which is to have just enough, not too much nor too little. Similarly, we need to show just enough concern for our friends or loved ones to sustain the relationship and not to be overly or under concern. Being overly concern tend to irritate the person and put him/her off, while being under concern will cause he/she to be suspicious of your sincerity. It's not an easy balancing act to perform but it's not an impossible task.

Bear in mind that no matter how close we are to a person, whether as friends, family members or even spouse, there are times when we would need our own private space to breathe freely and to do our own things. A healthy relationship is one where we can trust the other person enough to allow him/her to have his/her own private moments and not be afraid of losing the person. Only relationships that are built upon trust can they withstand the test of time and be more worthy of keeping. Clinging tightly onto anything, especially relationship, is not going to help you keep it, in fact, the tighter your grip the faster you lose it. Let it go and you would be surprised that it will remain by your side for a very long time, if not forever.

'Relationships are not cemented by glue but by the trust we have in each other.'

'Letting it go is not losing it but clutching it is.'